One minute of light (Day 39)
Today it begins to get lighter again, rather than darker. According to the worldwide web, December 22 contains one more minute of daylight than December 21 - the Winter Solstice. I look forward to this day, the day we begin to gain light.
My EHS devotional today provided me with Psalm 131:1 in which David prays, "I do not concern myself with great matters or things to wonderful for me."
What speaks to you about this verse, Peter Scazzero asks? He also provides a story that moved me so much I brought into my work as an Instructional Coach - the story of a Hasidic rabbi who on his death bed reflects on how his attempts to change the world early in his youth never quite worked out. How over the course of his life his focus of change narrowed, until eventually he realized that in order to change anything he first needed to change himself. My favorite line says,
"If I had started with myself, maybe then I would have succeeded in changing my family, the town or even the state - and who knows maybe even the world."
I want to change the world - I have for a long time. I've spent a lot of life getting close to the work I need to on my own heart and in my own soul - only to jump headfirst into a bigger "worldsize" project. This morning I'm thinking about those things I read on the news or feel weigh heavy in a story I hear and that feeling of not being able to make a difference. And it's hard to carry that weight. Because it's NOT mine to carry.
Last night, I couldn't sleep - worried about some big topics. Youth suicide prevention, ending the foster care crisis, my own struggle and journey with CPTSD. And then, I knew - I could get out of bed and put a weighted blanket on. I calmed my nervous system so that I could sleep. And an hour later, my little one - who is sort of getting big - came in looking for midnight comfort. My calmed nervous system allowed me to coregulate her and meet her need for calm. I snuggled next to her in the middle of the night and together we slept.
It was not a world change in the way we think -big world change -ending war and poverty.
But it changes my world. To have the capacity to care for my child in her need. To know that she will get rest. To know that I was able to provide when in times past my own dysregulation made that very difficult.
It took one minute to hop out of bed and grab that blanket. It took one minute to walk to her room and snuggle in tight.
One minute of light. It doesn't sound like enough to change the world, but maybe it just is. Because by June, those minutes add up to hours and though we can so easily forget how important each minute of light is, we can also choose to remember.
How can you add one minute of light to your life today?