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  • Writer's pictureAdrea Tilford

My history with Jesus

I'm studying Galatians. Beth and Melissa Moore are the writers and encouragers of this study. My First Presbyterian morning Bible study is the group with whom I'm diving in, learning and loving as we study. In the first week of study, Beth asked us to write up our histories with Jesus. Like Paul and Peter, the founders of the early Christian church and gospel spreading ministries, we too each have a history.

In writing and sharing our histories, we can see God's love for us revealed. Jean Vanier wrote that love is "to reveal the beauty of another person to themselves." This activity of writing my history was an act of love for myself. When I shared it with my friends last Wednesday morning, their welcoming of and encouragement for sharing my story added to that love. I share with you today, and would love to hear back from you.

In the comments or in an email, tell me about your history with Jesus?

Underneath the Apricot Tree

In the womb, my creator wove me together with love and tender mercies as my tiny body experienced the tragic death of my sister through the eyes, the heartbeat, the aching soul of my mother.

When I was six years old, I was given a vision. My rabbit underneath the apricot tree. I asked and I received.

During the years of abuse, my Savior cried and begged for it to stop.

Frank Peretti novels gave me hope for winning - even in the midst of a dark age, a terrifying battle. In the end - we win.

After baptism in 8th grade - in the river - a distinct peace of the Spirit, a gift from my grandmother, feeling tied to my faith.

But then. Then I ran. During my teen years. I'd say under my breath - NOT YET LORD. Not yet. I'm not ready. And yet, my Jesus continued to pursue me. Youth group, KS City, Orlando, St. Louis, EMU and a soccer team with faith.

I ran in college. I drank. I hid. I could not recognize my body as Christ's temple. Still God was after me. Friends who held the disclosure of my abuse. Helped me get help. Cross-cultural and a new perspective on the world. Grieving my grandpa's death and knowing I was not alone.

Meeting Sam.

Adulthood. Growing up. Teaching high schoolers. Coaching soccer. Getting married. Remodeling a home. Living a party life.

The depression I so desperately worked to hide. Never hidden from God. The compounded unprocessed grief. Infertility, mom's cancer, job pressure, stress, death, contemplating suicide - ending it all. Then Jeff died. Then Grandma. Jesus was there through it all, waiting for me to receive the help already being offered.

I reached out. Our small group laying the foundation. Giving soccer to God. Giving infertility to God.

Pursuing adoption.

Watching miracles unfold in two adoption stories. Learning to listen. Learning to live in awe.

Financial Peace University. Understanding stability in a new way.

Joining the First Pres Bible Study. Jesus coming to life. Seeing Him in my story, even the hardest parts. I didn't know he cried for me, was with me, held me. Now I know.

Healing from early childhood wounds. A long long process. A hard and heavy process. A gift to me, my children, my man. Counseling. Tope. Counseling. Quitting my job. Counseling. Writing. Counseling. Loving myself for the first time. Knowing that EVERYONE deserves this love. Reentering the work world anew - a coach, a teacher, a writer, a Jesus freak!

A call to speak, to write to share my story, Christ's hope. A call to glorify Jesus, and the redemptive healing in my life.

In the comments or in an email, tell me about your history with Jesus?

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