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  • Writer's pictureAdrea Tilford

Holy Unknowing

Psalm 46: 1-3 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and mountains quake with their surging.

A Prayer for my friend fighting Covid.

Jesus. I come to you this morning, grateful for another morning with you. Grateful for words that whisper to me. Grateful for your presence.

But Jesus, I'm also struggling.

This Holy Unknowing.

This inability to understand so much. It's weighing, like bricks to my soul. God I ask you to help me trust, to help me wait, to send faith when I sit in these places of unknowing. Let my unknowing become holy in your sight.

I don't understand why my friend who is young and healthy lies in a hospital bed this morning. Fighting for his life. Fighting for breath.

I don't understand why him? Why anyone?

I don't understand this virus running rampant. Taking lives like Sal's. Taking lifestyles. Taking health and wellbeing. Taking connection. Taking our time and ability to love well. God I don't understand it.

I don't understand so much of what you allow. The children without homes, without stable families. The parents without help. The losses. The abuses. The grief. The sorrow.

I don't understand how this world is filled with such devastation and how it gets doled out?

You could stop it all.

But you don't.

So I sit here in holy unknowing.

You sit here with me.

Do you weep with me too? Do you cry out on my behalf. On the behalf of my friend who spent the night awake with worry for her husband. For the children who long to have their dad come home with health, with life - to have the Christmas they thought they were going to have? Do you lament this dark night of worry with them? With me?

Today, I lift this lament to you Jesus.

Hear my heart cry.

Heal my friend.

Heal all the friends who are fighting this virus.

Heal this community.

Heal this state.

Heal this country Lord.

Heal this world.

Is that too much to ask?

You are my refuge. You sing over me when I weep.


When I am overwhelmed by this holy unknowing, let me lean into you. Lean into your steadfast strength. Help me trust when trusting feels too hard. Help me have faith when I push against it. Let me remember that when I don't know or understand anything that's going on around me. You've got this.


*Holy Unknowing is Peter Scazzero's term referencing the mystery we face in waiting on God when our whole being cries out "do something."

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